Tick Tock Time

Background: I graduated from high school 9 years ago. I moved two hours away and went to University. During the summers, I worked in a different state. Nearing the end of my college career, I met my husband and we moved in together and I got a job for a magazine. Following my divorce, I found a new job two more states away and left again. 9 years later (and 16 moves later), I'm living with my parents again.

So I've been away from my parents for 9 years. I haven't had anyone telling me what to do or any outside rules for 9 years. I've cooked food for myself in 16 different places and haven't had to schedule time in the bathroom or for laundry in 16 different places.

Imagine being that independent for so long and not having to rely on anyone for a roof over my head. So I've been forced to move back in with my parents. And I'm near miserable. I don't know what I'm going to do the next two days since I have the days off. My dad keeps making weird jokes, telling weird stories, assuming I know things about crap I don't care about, mentioning things in a conversation that have nothing to do with what's going on or what we're talking about. And ever since I moved back 4 weeks ago, I've felt like he doesn't want me here.

I've got all these internal clocks going off. Especially since my divorce. Here goes:

• Becoming financially stable
• Saving extra money
• Moving into my own apartment (or possibly with a roommate; still considering that)
• Finding a husband
• Starting a family

And I feel very behind on all of this. It's like I wasted the last 9 years. Or at least 6 (going on 7, since I met my first husband). Part of the reason I left my ex-husband is because I wanted to start a family and he wasn't mature enough to be a father and I didn't want his parents to be my child's grandparents. He just wasn't at the same place. And I've had to start over with everything. I feel so hopeless about everything. So tick tock goes my clock, waiting for everything to finally fall into place for me...