Wants and Needs... The "Coulda", "Woulda", and "Shoulda"s

I am really tired of being used. I must do it to myself though. And that's the sad part. I don't know how to get out of it...

I feel like I keep reconnecting with these great people and I let my heart open to them and they destroy it. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. I'm even talking about friendships. When will I stop allowing people to walk all over me? When will I finally be happy with who I am and who I surround myself with? If I'm so unsatisfied, how come I don't just change it?

I'm fairly certain I know what I want. I sure know a lot of things I don't want... And what's funny is I keep finding myself around people who have things I don't want... What's funnier still is I know the motives of those I'm allowing myself to spend my time with, and neither of us are on the same page.

In the beginning, I told myself that I would give things a chance. See where things could go. Not a lot of time has passed, and while I still enjoy our friendship, I know I don't want anything more. This has happened with two people I've reconnected with. I spent time with a third friend and apparently he doesn't want the friendship because he hasn't contacted me since we last saw each other. I'm frustrated the way it happened, but for some reason I'm ok with it. One of those I should have known better moments...

The final friendship is the one that hurts the most. Here's why. I've previously had very close relationships with him. I enjoy going out to our common interests. I get along well with his friends. I still go out to our common interests in hopes of seeing him. And I do see him. But he's usually busy. I don't get to spend a lot of quality time with him, but I keep trying. I persevere. I couldn't tell you exactly why. I could probably be happier if I let it go... I don't see him making the same effort and that's something I need too is the want on his part to see me...

So what's making me hold on to this so hard? Am I missing out on other opportunities because I can't just forget? How would I be better off? The sad part is...I often wonder if I would be better off if I were just invisible...if I simply vanished and no one thought about me or worried about me or asked about me...and the reason for that is because most people don't anyway...