Tick Tock Time

Background: I graduated from high school 9 years ago. I moved two hours away and went to University. During the summers, I worked in a different state. Nearing the end of my college career, I met my husband and we moved in together and I got a job for a magazine. Following my divorce, I found a new job two more states away and left again. 9 years later (and 16 moves later), I'm living with my parents again.

So I've been away from my parents for 9 years. I haven't had anyone telling me what to do or any outside rules for 9 years. I've cooked food for myself in 16 different places and haven't had to schedule time in the bathroom or for laundry in 16 different places.

Imagine being that independent for so long and not having to rely on anyone for a roof over my head. So I've been forced to move back in with my parents. And I'm near miserable. I don't know what I'm going to do the next two days since I have the days off. My dad keeps making weird jokes, telling weird stories, assuming I know things about crap I don't care about, mentioning things in a conversation that have nothing to do with what's going on or what we're talking about. And ever since I moved back 4 weeks ago, I've felt like he doesn't want me here.

I've got all these internal clocks going off. Especially since my divorce. Here goes:

• Becoming financially stable
• Saving extra money
• Moving into my own apartment (or possibly with a roommate; still considering that)
• Finding a husband
• Starting a family

And I feel very behind on all of this. It's like I wasted the last 9 years. Or at least 6 (going on 7, since I met my first husband). Part of the reason I left my ex-husband is because I wanted to start a family and he wasn't mature enough to be a father and I didn't want his parents to be my child's grandparents. He just wasn't at the same place. And I've had to start over with everything. I feel so hopeless about everything. So tick tock goes my clock, waiting for everything to finally fall into place for me...

Newborn Bird

This is not my first blog. This is not my first journal entry.

This is the first time for me for a lot of things, however. I haven't "blogged" in a very long while. This is my attempt to start anew. The theme is a little cheesy right now, I know, but bear with me. I'm starting a new chapter (of many) and I'm trying to start fresh. This is going to be good for me.

Three weeks and four or five days ago, I moved far away from where I called home. I moved back home with my parents. I'm close to thirty. It doesn't feel great, as most things don't when you've lived on your own for 9 years and have been going through a lot of changes. So I'm dealing with it. I'm dealing with an evil cat who thinks the house is hers. I spent a week searching for jobs and found one and today was my first day. For the last three weeks and four or five days, I've been spending time catching up with old friends, helping out my sister and her husband with their new bundle of joy, and becoming friends with my mom.

So I'm in a place I once called "home." And until recently, I could only call it "the destination." But there are a fair amount of things that are helping with that. I've seen four of my own friends, and several of my sister's since I've been back. The time with my friends has been the most cherished and most valued. It showed me a lot of what I had been missing. And I'm so grateful to have them back in my life. Another major change for me is the relationship I'm building with my mom. Before, I was always "Daddy's Little Girl" and my mom and I never really got along. But now, it seems so different. She's more like a friend and a confidant than she is my mother. Don't get me wrong, I don't share everything with her, but I can definitely talk to her more comfortably than I used to. My dad and I are a completely different story. His cat ranks higher in the family than I do now that I'm home.

And today I started my new job. The first full week I was back I put out about 30 applications. I averaged five or six apps a day, which was awesome. And I got a really great job, in a field where I can enhance my hobby of graphic design. It was a very busy day! I learned a ton of new things and I think I'm going to get the hang of things rather quickly. I'm really excited for it. Full time, great benefits, how could I complain?

Wednesday is my turn to make family dinner, and I've got a new recipe up my sleeve for tomorrow. Look for a post tomorrow of how everything turned out. :) I'll also post photos and notes of previous dinners I've made just so you can see how I've dabbled. Plus, maybe I'll give you a little more insight on the special people in my life and what it's like coming back not knowing what to expect. ;)

Kisses, New Bird